How to Handle Our Teenagers At Home

So much has been said about this subject, and the advice often come from psychologists and science. Here  are some helpful tips on  how to handle our teenagers at home, coming straight from the hands-on experience of a mother. 

Children are almost like angels when they are young – they do as they are told, their world is centered around you, and you pretty much have control of everything that goes on with them.  But things change when they become teenagers – that age when they discover that their bodies are changing and their minds and emotions float in between puberty and maturity. They are stuck in the faintness of being in the middle, and wonder “shall I act like a a kid, or shall I now act like an adult?”  They discover a bigger world out there and don’t really need mommy and daddy to be there all the time. Our angels suddenly become someone else, and we are stunned at what is happening. 

So how should we handle our teenagers at home? 

Keep our Cool.  Teenagers know how to push our buttons.  They tend to make us easily react to things, especially when they tease, throw tempers, talk back, break rules, dismiss us, haggle, disobey and provoke. It is important that we keep our cool in these circumstances.  Count one to ten, and be rationale in dealing with them.  The more that they provoke us, the lesser our power becomes in their mind.             

We don’t stop being their friend just because they are being difficult. Just like a good friend, we need to listen first before we talk and react.  Hard to do as our emotions often get the better of us, but remember to listen first. Our goal is to become their friend up until they become adults. Kids always remember those times when we fail to listen (no matter how many times we did so in the past!); and when they realize how often we fail in this area, they will have enough reasons to stop talking. 

Have clear boundaries and explain the rules.  When we have an emerging teenager in the house, gone are the days when we are allowed to impose rules without explanation.  For our teenager to clearly understand the boundaries, we  need to be ready with the whys.  Think it out first before starting to communicate.  Several times we go to battle unprepared—we take for granted our teenagers’ capability to analyze and reason.  Speak the reasons quietly, firmly and clearly. Enumerate practical reasons and elaborate it.  

And of course, humor works. In order for the relationship to work, keep it light and friendly.  But be firm. 

Explain punishments and disciplinary actions beforehand.  It’s best to give timeframes before imposing punishments so their expectations are set.  Impromptu punishment spawns violent reactions and we could minimize these ugly scenes by letting them know the specific disciplinary actions for offenses.  We should clarify rules and punishments as a verbal agreement between us and our teenager.  If they are aware of the consequence and they still do it, they will be less resentful of the punishment and the disciplinary action will have more chances of being effective. 

 And the most important tip in how to handle our teenagers at home:  rewards, praises, hugs.  These never fail in making our teenagers feel secure of our love.  Nothing works better than the stability and love we instill in our teenagers’ hearts.